Navigating the ‘us vs. them’ mindset in product management: Practical strategies

Imagine you walk into a room full of people and suddenly realise everyone is staring at you. The uncomfortable feeling of being judged is paralysing, and you instinctively feel you don’t belong. Your heart starts racing, your hands are sweating and you feel compelled to run away but cannot move an inch… 

If you are lucky, it is just your imagination taking over. If you are less fortunate, however, this might be your everyday experience at work, courtesy of the “us versus them” mentality. 

“Us versus them” is a mindset and a range of behaviours that may result from a strong sense of belonging to a group that’s in some way opposed to another. 

According to Psychology Today, two different psychological theories attempt to explain the causes of this mentality. One theory suggests it is triggered when we feel our group needs to compete with another, especially over something in short supply. This tactic is often used by politicians to gain support and rally the crowds. 

The other theory suggests that simply categorising people into groups, which we do all the time to organise information in our heads, can create this mindset. For example, national pride can sometimes border on a sense of superiority over other nations. 

Pure fact of dividing people into groups isn't necessarily harmful. However, feeling strongly connected to one group over another can lead to excluding others, also at work. When that happens, we start making “decisions based on subconscious discrimination” (source: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-the-us-against-them-mentality). This, in particular, is a very dangerous path to walk down. 

As product managers we occupy a unique position within companies, often being at the intersection of various teams and departments. We engage with diverse user groups and collaborate with multiple product development teams. We juggle competing priorities and are often under pressure. This particular position within the company puts us in situations that may lead to tension, interpersonal conflict, and unhealthy competition, which in turn can trigger the "us versus them" mindset.

It is tempting to blame slow development progress on another team and “their” ways of working, or accuse “the business” of having unrealistic expectations. One of my most significant personal failures was feeling intense anger and frustration when prospective users struggled to navigate what I believed was a simple interface. This occurred during a usability session I had organised to test the product. I distinctly remember complaining to an engineer afterwards about “them” not being able to perform a “simple” task. That time, the “us vs. them” mindset took over and I not only completely missed the point of a usability session but even of product management in general. Luckily, I learned from that mistake and moved on.

Falling into the trap of "us versus them" is all too easy. It can provide a temporary sense of relief and a way to vent during stressful times. However, failing to acknowledge and address this mindset in time can lead to serious consequences.

A wide-spread “us versus them” mentality has the potential to destroy interpersonal relationships and even whole company cultures because it supports a range of negative behaviours and phenomena. 

Individuals and teams are less keen on working with others, keeping ideas and resources to themselves instead of sharing them widely. This protective behaviour leads to a lack of transparency and miscommunication, which, in turn, breeds suspicion and recurring conflict. That’s not a setting where product development, not to mention product innovation, can thrive. 

A while ago, I wrote about severe communication issues I experienced at work. These issues, at their worst, led to a toxic work environment and mistrust among colleagues, originating from seemingly innocent misalignments between the product team and key stakeholders. It all started with an “us versus them” mentality. Looking back, I am convinced that if I had recognized sooner that I had succumbed to this divisive mindset, I would have navigated the challenging situation more easily and spared my colleagues a lot of stress.

If we don’t involve “others” because we know better, or even if we involve them only to dismiss their ideas later (as in my own experience where I dismissed user feedback on the overcomplicated mobile interface), we risk overlooking important perspectives. Product managers really cannot afford to allow it because it is the diverse viewpoints that lead to more innovative solutions, better problem-solving, and ultimately, more successful products. If I had not recognised at some point after that unfortunate usability session that 

Remember the dream sequence at the beginning of the article? Now, picture working in a place where people are confined to small, exclusive circles of trust, where authenticity is unwelcome, and ideas are immediately criticised. This kind of closed and hostile environment would be a terrible place to work and you would probably spend most of your time coming up with an escape plan rather than coming up with new ways to solve problems for the customer.

When not addressed, this divisive mindset will wreak havoc in any working environment. Fortunately, as product people we are uniquely positioned within companies to not only notice the spread of “us versus them” but also to counteract it. 

Effective communication is the backbone of trust in any organization. When important information is left unsaid or mentioned only once, as highlighted in the Repeat, repeat, repeat (...) article, it can lead to misunderstandings and breed suspicion. Product managers play a crucial role in mitigating this risk by consistently and transparently sharing updates on product progress, decisions, and changes. Moreover, we should actively seek feedback to ensure everyone is on the same page. Fostering an environment where team members and stakeholders feel safe to express their ideas without fear of judgment is essential. Establishing such forums for open dialogue can significantly enhance collaboration and trust..

It's easy to criticise the impersonal "them" when we don't know the individuals within that group personally. A fantastic and often enjoyable way to counteract the "us versus them" mentality is to invest in personal relationships at work. By seeing our colleagues as humans rather than just job titles, we foster a more inclusive environment. Taking a coffee break to chat about non-work-related topics can work wonders! Suddenly, we find ourselves feeling more compassionate and understanding. We might even realise that our decisions have been flawed, and the colleague we shared a coffee with had a point all along. Even if that's not the case, this personal connection encourages empathy and openness to others' perspectives, creating a more collaborative and supportive workplace. 

Fostering personal connections on a team or group level is equally important. Encouraging team-building activities and an open dialogue can bridge gaps between different departments or groups. When teams take the time to understand each other's challenges and strengths, it promotes a culture of mutual respect and collaboration. Creating opportunities for teams to interact on a human level - whether through joint projects or social events - helps dissolve communication barriers and builds a foundation of trust and empathy.

It's easy to fall into the "us versus them" trap without even realising it. It may seem like innocent categorisation but what if it isn’t? Pay attention to your language, as it often reflects your underlying thoughts. Commit and make a conscious effort to refer to "us" whenever possible. If that's not feasible, use the names of individuals instead of impersonal nouns like "the business". Remember that, in most cases, you and your colleagues are working towards the same goals. Although our approaches may differ, we should all be moving in the same direction. Shifting to inclusive language may seem like a simple fix, but it can have a profound impact. Give it a try and see the difference it makes.

Hands up, product managers, have you ever talked about "the business" wanting to do one thing or another? Most of us occasionally fall into the trap of the "us versus them" mentality. The good news is, once we've recognised it, we can take concrete actions to counteract it. As product managers, we are in a unique position to make a positive change and promote a more inclusive and collaborative environment.